Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
