wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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