just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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