You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
