Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
