Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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