he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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