Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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