She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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