well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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