...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
