there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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