I cannot find my penis.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
