so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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