as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
