Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
