If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we made out on top of his cat.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
