ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
