I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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