you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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