Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just tell him i said nine months
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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