kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
