we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
