Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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