so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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