Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
