I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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