First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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