I must be too annoying 4 u.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
