New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
