Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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