I'm really into asian looking animals
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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