My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
