Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
