People in love make me want to vomit
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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