I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
