you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
