I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize
