i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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