I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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