I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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