Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
