Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
