OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
