I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
