Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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