Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
