She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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