Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
