Why does Corona taste like a burp?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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