Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
and you said cock pushups were impossible
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
