I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
