Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
