How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
