Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
